Just
when we thought our main worry was the Conservatives and the religious right,
along comes sink holes.
These
huge, gaping holes that possibly lead to the underworld are gobbling up real
estate faster than RBC is gobbling up foreign workers only to throw Canadian
workers out onto the street- their own personal sink hole.
Cars,
houses and towering buildings are not immune. These holes go down deep. The
Baptists are worried that the end of the world is nigh. I am sure they’ll find something
somewhere that will link sink holes to the Devil. Perhaps in the Bible. These
verses may help:
“And
thou shalt tumble and fall through and into the bowels of the earth and be
consumed by the devil and his angels” Leviathon 2:14
or
“…and
the Lord looketh down upon Sultania and saw that the people did carouse and
defy the Lord God Almighty both day and night. And the Lord was saddened and
caused a hole of the greatest sink to devour those who didst laugh and whole-heartedly
ignore his commandments. The next day the Lord rested with a cup overflowing
with Maxwell of the House of Neandrethal saying to his flock- this that I doest,
I doest well and would doest once againeth if my flock fucketh upeth and
ignoreth me- the great and powerful Oz…I mean God.” Dueontome 5:12
“And
it was so… and so sink holes came and went and caused huge gaping recesses in
both the earth and God’s heart- who always kept man’s heart- and testicles,
close to his.” Dueontome 5:13
So,
sink holes are here to stay. Shale rock under the surface allows water to flow through and cause earth
to move away and form holes of darkness. These sink holes happen in many places-
even in Downtown Orillia in front of coffee shops and haircutting places.
What
can we do to prevent them you ask?
Not
much. If there’s a sink hole under your house- you’re sunk.
If
you’re lucky enough to know this ahead of time, sell now and remember buyer
beware.
Just
get your dough first.
“..
and so it went and Saul of Tarzaneth didst see the hole of sink in his night
sweats and straightforth picketh up his clothing from his bedchamber and butter
churn from his shed and wine flask- fashioned from the entrails of his
neighbour’s goat, from his shelf and didst forthrightly depart from his home. And
it came to pass he spent days wandering lost in the parking lot at Target,
hoping to find the place wherein he parketh his donkey cart .” Exxon 2:17
** A D V E R T I S E M E N T**
